‘Now I’m sure you’re wondering why we’ve gathered you all in Supernatural Conference Room IV,’ announced a being in a supernova suit.  ‘Today, we’re going to design a new product for the customer base. We want something special – something to beat that ‘Satan’ product developed by those bastards over at Evil Inc. and really wow the customers.’

Those seated, if they had been making any noise, would have become silent.

‘We need your ideas for the prototype. Our budget for this project is infinite, so don’t be afraid to think big!’

‘Well, we bought a Satan for our little universe last interdimensional gift-giving holiday, and all it does is destroy things. What if… what if we do the opposite? What if ours creates things?’ proposed Nigel, a logically irrelevant being whose set of children contained several members.

‘Nigel, that would be utterly pointless. Satan’s got the market covered, it’d just be creating things to be destroyed. That’s hardly satisfying.’ Starchimedes thought this whole situation was absurd – there was no way they’d be able to force Evil Inc. out of the running, a company that was much better at giving people what they want.

The group leader stepped in, ‘No, he’s onto something. It could make little versions of itself – tiny creatures made in its image. A toy that plays with toys… it’s brilliant! What else?’

After a few moments, an unintelligibly intelligent entity, who had infinitely regressed back to his childhood after a traumatic transcendental transformation accident, spoke up.

‘I want it to be really strong!’ he said.

‘Super-strong!’ agreed his supernaturally average colleague.

‘Su-per-strong.’ Repeated the chairbeing as he wrote it down.

‘What if it was, like, stronger? Like, all-powerful?’ posed the stoner, who was at this moment hallucinating on unicorn universes.

There was some murmuring. Presently, a wise, eternally old sage agreed.

‘I agree,’ quoth he.

‘Yeah!’ It could, like, do tricks with stones and stuff! Like, make them hot and cold at the same time – and make them too heavy for him to lift, but also not too heavy for him to lift!’ On a roll, and a massive high, the stoner was visualising a true work of art.

‘Maybe we should save that for the next release,’ mediated the mediator. ‘We don’t want to put all of our balls of pure energy into one pure energy ball container.’

‘It would need to be pretty intelligent to control all that power,’ spoke up the being known only as the being known only as the being known…

‘Like, I know! It shou-‘

‘Let me guess, be all-knowing?’ interjected Starchimedes. ‘What in the name of being have you been smoking?’

‘Starchie, don’t be so snarky,’ rhymed the referee. ‘No, I like it. All-knowing and all-powerful. I think this is a winner.’

‘But it’s not enough, is it?’ said Nigel. ‘To make the punters fall in love with it, it needs to fall in love with them.’

‘Go on.’

‘Well, no one likes one-way love. Imagine if our customers just showed it lots and lots of love, built it little houses, spoke to it and so on. Eventually, they’d get bored, and give up, because there’s no reciprocation.’

‘I see, very well. I suppose we should make it all-loving, to keep in the general theme of things. Any objections?’

Starchimedes hand was raised, ignored, and subsequently lowered.

‘Good job, all. With this perfect base settled, I think we’re all done here.’

‘You mean all we’re going to make is a perfect being?’

‘At first, of course. But with each update, we add and improve. For the next release I’m thinking a hygiene model, an all-clean being.’

‘Transcendental floss, primordial soap, and a great flood of water to soak in?’

‘That sort of thing, yes Nigel.’

‘Oh Big Bang! We need to name it!’

‘What about “Good Corp.’s Good Toy”?’

‘Or just “Good Toy”?’

‘”Göd Töy”?’

‘”Göd”.’

‘Okay, now you’re just being silly.’